Restaurant Review - The Porch

The Porch

"You have to go to the porch!  You have to go to the porch!  You have to go to the porch!" 

I heard it over and over again.  "It is amazing!" they said.

They are idiots.

First of all, the owners of the Porch have decided that reservations are not necessary.  So they give you a buzzer and send you away to wait.....forever.  You can sit at the bar with all of the Park Cities twits, posing and sipping their frou frou drinks and Stella....yech.  Or you can sit outside in the Dallas heat and sweat while you wait..and nothing helps you enjoy a good meal like sweat soaked underoos.  Strike 1.

When you finally get seated, you will find that it is almost impossible to carry on a conversation due to awful acoustics that are only outmatched by the echo chamber called the Macaroni Grill.  Of couse you could sit outside with the flies, uneven floor and clouds of auto exhaust if that is your thing.  It is not mine.

Having been told that the Smoked Ham Mac & Cheese Casserole is the best macaroni and cheese in town, we decided to order it as the appetizer for the table to share.  I must admit, that it was superb.  Large chunks of ham floated in a creamy cheese sauce made with white and yellow cheddar cheese along with cream cheese.  They also add some green tobasco sauce to give it a bit of a kick.  It was delicious, but it was too bad that we were not able to finish it, because just as we finished doling out the goodies our entrees arrived.  My number one pet peave when dining is being rushed through a meal so that the restaurant can turn the table.  So I will repeat, our entrees arrived almost immediately after our appetizer.  Strike 2.

The majority of the table ordered the Flat Iron Steak which was well appreciated as a decent steak and was served with mashed potatoes with jalapeño gravy.  The steak sauce was served on the side that looked and tasted much like Heinz 57. 

Always the oddball, I ordered the Braised Short Rib Stroganoff which was panned by the server as "pretty much the signature dish".  When asked if the short ribs were served bone in, our served stated that the meat was hand pulled off the bone and resembled a shredded beef.  Let me describe for you what you will really be served.  Flavorless egg noodles floating in 1/2" of grease.  Cubes of gelatinous meat with no texture that resemble real beef every bit as much as the McRib resembles real ribs.  The dish was one of the worse meals I have ever attempted to eat, and after a few bites I gave up on the attempt.  The server surely noticed that I was not eating this concoction but did not ever ask me, or anyone else at the table, how our meals were(or weren't).  Stike 3.

Terrible meal, awful service.  I will not return.

The Porch
2912 N. Henderson Avenue

Dallas, TX 75206
214.828.2916
http://www.theporchrestaurant.com/